Abdicate - v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Carcinoma - n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly - adj., impotent.
Flabbergasted - adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Negligent - adj., a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph - v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle-n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline.
Oyster - n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent - n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. . .
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.