Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the drive before it has stopped snowing.
If your parents did not have any children, chances are you won't either.
I asked Mum if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite very effort to teach them good manners.
Children will soon forget your presents, they will always remember your presence.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
We child-proofed our home three years ago and they're still getting in!
Grandchildren are God's reward for surviving your children.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mum?
When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool Mum.
I love to give home-made gifts... which one of my kids do you want?
Familiarity breeds children.
Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.
Ever notice that a human baby doesn't walk until it's tall enough to reach a parent's hand?
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.